Most girls get engaged and celebrate with a spa experience or a night of dancing and drinking. Not Kristi. She is, hands down, the most hilarious person I know so when her bachelorette party planning began, I knew we’d all be in for a treat. Kristi fluctuates between being really outgoing and going full-blown hermit so I was curious to see which side would win.
The week before her wedding, we met up for the bachelorette party. Most of us have known each other since middle school but life had taken us all over the world with work and family life. So not only were we excited to celebrate the bride, it was also set to be an amazing reunion. Also, there were five of us in the group with young babies and this was our first big outing away from our little ones. Imagine the prequel to Bad Moms and you get the picture
After a quick stop at O-O-O-O’Reilly’s for window paint, we cranked up the tunes, and made the drive to Seattle – honks and waves the entire way. We dropped off our suitcases at the hotel, Kristi and I had an emotional meltdown upon seeing each other as it had been nearly two years, and then it was off to the first activity of the day – a Crossfit class.
We all quickly admitted that Kristi was the only person in the world who could get us to suffer through such a sweat fest and bets were placed on how many of us would pee our pants trying to do jumping jacks. We were all piled into a massive van while Kristi’s sister, Amber, deftly maneuvered it like a boss. Right before arriving at the gym, there was a minor traffic jam where we couldn’t get past a car and the woman driving refused to budge. Our gentle and calm bride flipped a switch and went absolutely MENTAL – truly, it was a magnificent display of vocal projection and profanity unlike anything you’ve ever witnessed.
We pulled up to the gym, managing not to kill anyone or get arrested in the process and the work out began. I was actually more out of breath from laughing than from working out thanks to the constant stream of sarcastic comments coming from my friends. We squatted, we lunged, and we hung from bars. By the end, we were a group of sweaty betties and all agreed it wasn’t nearly as bad as we expected.
Back at the hotel, everyone took turns showering and catching up on life. With five new moms in the group, there was also an abundance of breast pumps and milk storage bags plus the obligatory sharing of birth stories. As you do at a bachelorette party…
Kristi’s mom and sisters completely outdid themselves with their planning and generosity. There were drinks, snacks, party favors and old photos of each of us with Kristi. I had created these hideous masks of Kristi and Steve for everyone to wear and the extras were strategically placed around the room (it was hilarious). Amber had even made a video interview with Steve and I don’t think a single one of us was able to hold back the tears when he explained how he felt about our sweet friend.
One of Kristi’s biggest demands for the day was that there not be strippers. Given our group of friends, it was a reasonable fear that we would come up with something terrible for her. So when two guys came through the door with the face masks on, I think she actually went into a panic but tried to play it off as being all fun and games. She was completely shocked when it turned out to be our best friends from university – Tyler and Troy. These are two of the biggest jokers on the planet – they were supposed to be watching our house while we did a month-long study abroad. We came home to find the kitchen and living room completely swapped around. Everything from the appliances to the wall art had been relocated and I was simultaneously furious and in hysterics. Kristi’s mom had arranged for them to be our chauffeurs for the night which was absolutely genius.
After Troy narrowly missed scraping the entire side of the van, we arrived at Julia’s on Broadway for Le Faux – Seattle’s longest running celebrity impersonation show. Everyone looked…. stunning… in their bride and groom masks and we even had a designated host for the evening. He was looked very glamorous in his bedazzled vest and made sure we had all the food and drinks we needed.
The show was entertaining and I was actually jealous that a bunch of men could look more feminine than me. From Nicki Minaj to Taylor Swift, the entire restaurant was singing along to each act.
By the end of the show, the group had been split into two camps. Those with older kids or none at all were ready to take on the town. While myself and some of the other nursing moms were starting to panic about springing a leak or contracting mastitis. Motherhood can be so glamorous. We left the wild ones to have their fun while we called it a night.
The next day, everyone was a bit sore – whether in the head, the body, or the milk makers. After our whirlwind Seattle outing, we were all excited to watch our best friend walk down the aisle. I don’t think we could have had more fun or asked for a better group of girls to celebrate the most loyal and foul-mouthed human you could ever meet.